Old Bat Out of Hell

An article by Don Quixote

Perhaps it’s something in my physiology; some weird cosmic force that calls out to the world around me. Maybe I am a Ta’veren (for all your Robert Jordan fans); maybe I have naquaada in my blood (for all your Stargate fans). I have no idea what it is but something about me draws out all the weird people in the world.

I’m driving to work this morning minding my own business; just bopping down the road without a care in the world. Now understand that when I head to work there are generally few people on the streets, it’s one of the best times of the day to drive. Today though, I had a car start to follow me right away once I crossed Washington Center road.

At first I wondered if it was a cop but man was that car sitting like 3 feet off my bumper. Nothing pisses me off more than someone who sits right there on your backside and won’t pass. I mean come on, honestly, it’s not like there is anyone else in the other lane. If you are in that much of a hurry, just pull around me.

I sped up, I slowed down. Nothing work, it was like our cars were chained together. Then I start to get paranoid. Man, what if this guy is like a psycho out to kill me and is just looking for the right time. I’m a goner for sure, I hope I put on clean underwear this morning; what would my mother say.

At one point I was up over 10 miles over the speed limit and the car was hanging right with me. I dropped down to 10 under and still right there. By the time I got to Coliseum it was a red light and I got a better look at the person behind me.

It was an old lady in the upper 70′s range at least, I could see her beady little eyes between the dashboard and the steering wheel peaking out. I started to feel kinda silly, and then bad. Maybe this is how she gets around. You know how sometimes when you are in a really bad storm (snow or rain) that you almost drive by the tail lights in front of you. Maybe I was her guide around the city and she was counting on me to get her where she needed to go.

The light turned green and she stayed right me as Clinton merged into Coldwater and then finally into Lima. I was starting to feel pretty proud of myself.

Just around the corner on Clinton right there by Burger King where it becomes 3 lanes she did the funniest thing. She whipped over into the far left lane and just opened it right up.

Like an old bat out of hell she topped somewhere near 60 as I lost her car in the distance.

Why do I always get all the wack-os?