Message from the subconscious

An article by Don Quixote    2 Comments

Okay, okay, okay. So I’m behind in my blogging. I have three nights worth of game night warp ups for ya and just general life stuff. Most of it is written, I just haven’t had time to look over it first, so they are queued up (you might even have to scroll down to see what you missed) and I’m part way through a new serial blog installment; in my spare time I’ve been working on well work and some side projects.

But instead of giving you all that stuff now I wanted to share a dream with you all that I had last night.

I don’t know what’s been wrong with my head lately. I haven’t been sleeping really well and my mind will just not shut down. I’ve been waking with the same Counting Crows song running through my brain for days and the other night despite being totally exhausted I couldn’t sleep at all.

Lately I’ve been trying to be more grown up. Worrying about 401k’s, savings accounts, paying off debt, home repair and all those other things that big people do. It’s the curse of turning 30, you realize that you are half way to retirement and you haven’t even started yet. Add work, the election and normal life and you can create quite the pressure cooker on the inside of you. Translation: I’ve been a pretty stressed out guy lately. I could probably spend 3 days straight with a masseur and still not have all the knots removed.

Some how last night I managed to close my eyes and drift off into the nether world of sleep.

I saw this man who looked a lot like Jason Bateman from Arrested Development, but he was wearing a much nice suit. He was talking about how he had sold all these companies for 4.51 million dollars and had just bought a new one for, well 4.51 million dollars. I had begun to try and argue that he hadn’t therefore really gained or lost anything since he had spent what he made. Next thing I know I am in this conference room with all these people in suits look at file folders filled with pages and pages of reports. The end of the work day steam whistle sounds and all these business people break out water guns and start to soak their reports.

To my surprise they start to change colors and amazing pictures are revealed. I’m flying down aisles of cubicles and everywhere I look people are laughing and having a good time as they turn their pie carts into soggy blocks of color, much like when you were a kid and used to have paint books where all you had to do was wet the pages with water (and a brush) and the colors would appear. They were having so much fun everyone was smiling.

Then some how I’m inside this back storage room, but it’s huge. It was located inside a grocery store. You know how when you are walking through the store, normally by the produce section, you see those two double doors with the rounded windows in them. Beat up plastic along the bottom where workers run into it with dollies and other carts. That’s where it was. You walked in and it was empty. You turned on the light switch which was high on the wall (like cleaning lights in a theater) and things started to change. People appeared out of no where. There were changing rooms where you put on costumes like Spiderman and other super heroes. And then you went out into the big empty room with everyone else. They were laughing and having a good time.

Some people on the outside couldn’t see it. To them it was just an empty room and had no idea what was going on, but for those people who were in the room, it was so much more. They were having the time of their lives. They were playing.

And then it hit me. They were playing. Imagining. Talk about a message from your subconscious.

When did I grow up? I know my body got bigger and older, but when did I stop being a kid? When did I stop playing and enjoying life? When did a rock simply become a rock and not a mountain to be conquered? When did I stop battling my army men and saving the princess? Instead of imagination, I had stuff. Instead of joy and laughter I had heart-burn and stress. When did I stop playing?

The older I get, the more I realize that life is short. The more I worry about the end of my life I forget to live the moment that I am in. Sometimes I get so caught up in being responsible and what I think is noble, I forget that there is more to my life than doing all these things. I have to lay down these burdens (they aren’t mine to carry after all). I need to lean my head back and laugh out loud. I need to play in the woods, crawl on the floor and get dirty. I need to jump and sing.

I need to play.

Not compete. Play.

Not to win. Play.

Not to worry about what others might think. Play.

Today I am going to lay down my adulthood, and for a short time, I’m going to crawl in the sand, make mud pies and imagine that the world is something greater than my adult eyes can see. Today I am going to play.