I see London, I see France

By far the greatest invention during my childhood was Underoos.

That’s right, Underoos. Some might argue that it was the invention of Velcro, Atari, milk in a bag, or even the under rated Thunder Cats. But no, you’d be wrong, it was Underoos.

Each and every night after school, hundreds of thousands of kids would find themselves running around the house in their underwear. Who would it be tonight? Perhaps the mysterious Dark Knight, Batman would creep his way into the living room. Maybe Yoda would use the force to get the ketchup at the dinner table. The web slinger himself might swing onto the top bunk. Or, as fate might have it, Superman, the greatest of all heroes, could fly into the toy room and save the entire planet from impending doom.

No longer was dressing as a super hero reserved for only one day a year where you extorted candy from all the neighbors, now each and every night a young child was free to dream the dreams of his heart. He could be a super hero.

I believe every child dreams of being one; boy or girl, from the very young to the not so old, everyone wants to be a hero.

I wanted to be a hero.

I do not know when or where the idea came into my head, but as far back as my memory can wander, I have been plagued by these dreams. I longed to be a hero, or in the least do something heroic. I would day dream of saving someone from an on coming car, pushing them away at the last moment to keep them from harm, sometimes at the expense of myself. I was loved and lauded by all for my deeds. More often then not it was a girl that had caught my fancy that I saved and because of my courage she would swoon and be mine.

From my youngest years my dad used to buy comic books, and when he was done he used to pass them on to me. The Flash, Ghost Rider, the Green Lantern, and a slew of others, heroes were my bread and butter. Somewhere around the age of 8 a new hero was introduced to me, Jesus. I wanted to be like him too. As I grew into my teens my mind turned to knights and adventures.

Chivalry was my new model. To be noble and good, just and fair; a hero with a sword. Superman, Jesus, Lance-a-lot filled my head, so slowly and surely I wrapped myself in my make believe armor, clothing myself in virtues that I sought to emulate.

A funny thing though about make-believe; when you are done pretending you go back to what you were before you started. It is not enough to aspire to be, to long to be, to desire to be. In order to be, you simply must.

I wanted to be a hero, but in the end, I was nothing more than Adam West playing a hero on T.V. Being a hero has nothing to do with heroics. It has nothing to do with the shell that you wear, nothing to do with having a cool secret identity. Being a hero is a matter of the heart. It comes from the inside.

A hero is someone who continually and without question gives of themselves because in the end it’s the right thing to do. Selfless.

That word echoes over and again in my head. Selfless.

—————–
“Superman’s Song” – Crash Test Dummies

Tarzan wasn’t a ladies’ man
He’d just come along and scoop ‘em up under his arm
Like that, quick as a cat in the jungle
But Clark Kent, now there was a real gent
He would not be caught sittin’ around in no
Junglescape, dumb as an ape doing nothing

[Chorus:]
Superman never made any money
For saving the world from Solomon Grundy
And sometimes I despair the world will never see
Another man like him

Hey Bob, Supe had a straight job
Even though he could have smashed through any bank
In the United States, he had the strength, but he would not
Folks said his family were all dead
Their planet crumbled but Superman, he forced himself
To carry on, forget Krypton, and keep going

Tarzan was king of the jungle and Lord over all the apes
But he could hardly string together four words: “I Tarzan, You Jane.”

Sometimes when Supe was stopping crimes
I’ll bet that he was tempted to just quit and turn his back
On man, join Tarzan in the forest
But he stayed in the city, and kept on changing clothes
In dirty old phonebooths till his work was through
And nothing to do but go on home

—————–

Selfless.

In the end, our struggle in our quest to be a hero lies within ourselves and with our self. It’s a hard thing to be selfless. To constantly sacrifice what you might want, need, or desire for someone else. I’ve always had an innate sense of “fair” and “justice”, and I’ve always struggled with wanting to make sure that everyone plays fair, and when they don’t that, justice is swift and even handed. I don’t mind when I have to face justice, because in the end that’s only fair, I am just irate when someone else doesn’t have to live or play by the same rules. It just isn’t fair. Why do I always have to be the one to do the right thing when others don’t.

A hero does the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. Selfless.

How selfless are we to be? Do we give up so much of our selves that in our selflessness we loose our self, and therefore our identity? If I read it right, Biblically we would have to answer that question as yes; that we are called to loose who we are in our pursuit of being selfless.

How can I be who God has uniquely made me, and not be that person at the same time? How much of myself am I suppose to give up? Biblically as I read it, I am supposed to give it all up. Here in lies my struggle. To always put others first, in everything.

In everything? Yes, everything. Everyone? Yes, everyone. Since this world is filled with so many others, the logical end result is that we will never had time for anything we desire (unless what we desire is to desire nothing but the unending service of others – which isn’t what we are called to) and that ourselves will simply fall into disrepair and in the end death. Are we not being selfish if we stop serving others to meet our own needs? So what if you are hungry or tired, there are others who are hungry and tired and therefore you need to be selfless and meet there needs?

I know this might all sound absurd, but I am honest in my struggle to understand this. I want to placate myself with the thought that there is a balance, but I do not see that written anywhere. I feel like Peter Parker, in Spiderman 2 when he wants to know when does he get what he wants? Doesn’t he deserve to be happy?

That is that sense of justice calling me. Why is it fair that I have to make everyone else happy, when is someone going to make me happy? Why do I have to be selfless to others when they won’t be selfless to me?

And thus is our struggle with our humanity. Our wants.

—————–
Superman (It’s Not Easy) – Five for Fighting
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird:I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train and
It’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd:but don’t be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed:but won’t you conceed
Even Heroes have the right to dream but
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away:away from me
It’s all right:You can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy:or anything:

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It’s not easy to be me.

—————–

Do even heroes have the right to bleed? Do heroes have the right to dream?

Selfless. What does it really mean to be selfless?

For now, I am left with the words of not another Peter but a Paul:

“15) I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16) And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17) As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18) I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19) For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do–this I keep on doing. 20) Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21) So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22) For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23) but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24) What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25) Thanks be to God–through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.” – Romans 7

In the end, for now I am a man dressed in a funny red sheet. I’m a giant kid in my underoos, aspiring still even now to be a hero.